The worst thing in my life so far

ok probably today is the worst day of my life 

also the best day of my life.

I signed official divorce registration papers for my parents.

It was basically like 5sec it was ok I mean I didn't expect this was happening to me cuz I thought I will sign my marriage paper first ever in my life but life is always unexpected and you know whatever happened we need to handle it.

so it was "fine" but after that I wasn't really happy.

サインなんて一瞬だった、あ、まだ完璧じゃないけど。本籍地が分からなくて書き終えてない。

でも人を嫌いになるのと同じくらい一瞬だった。

信頼なんて一瞬で崩れる。

で、コロナの話になって、

別に死ぬ時は死ぬんだからって言ったの。

そしたらね、死んだら誰が始末するんだ？

葬儀屋だろ？

そのお金は誰が払うんだ？

だから保険かけとかなきゃ。

って彼はそう言ったの。

私はまだ死なないからと言ってリビングを去った。

ok so he thinks about money not "love" or anything I was really sad also disappointed because that's the reason why my mom  cheated with other guys from my perspective I don't really know true reasons but  If I was she(my mom) then probably I will leave here. I'm not gonna cheat with any other guy tho 

I don't wannabe like the way he thinks.

 I wanna live life with joy,happiness and fun.

so I cannot leave here but I think it's a right timing to have some space!

I really didn't wanna writing this 😢but It was really hard not to express how I feel.

Life is always fun and fun. Life should be fun.

Be present and always open mind.

I'm pretty sure you can do it and you have to do it.

なので、今日も上を向いて生くのです。

誰になにを言われようと悔しくて大泣きしてもきっと朝は来るから。

大泣きして気がついたの。

今ここに居て、たかが家賃が無料でも幸せかって。

だけどどこに居てもhomeを感じたことはなくて我が家は異常なくらい引っ越しをしてきたけど、だからなのかな。

どこに居ても、なにをしてても、いつも足りないのは安心感。本物の安心感。

I really miss someone who I love but even so I don't really know who I love.

 I don't even know what is love

さて、愛を探し続ける旅の始まりです。💕

On my way to next journey and can't wait to meet new ppl :)

ありがとう。生きててくれて。でもね活きてないと意味がないのよ。生きてても。

そう、活きて、活きて生き抜くの。

 See u later ☺️